


Puppies For Sale

by PoisonIvy_123



Category: Harley Quinn (Comics), Poison Ivy (Comics)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Harleen Quinzel's Hyenas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:28:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25263106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PoisonIvy_123/pseuds/PoisonIvy_123
Summary: After finding out one of her hyenas is actually female and had cubs, Harley Quinn needs to find a home for the two baby hyenas. Trying to do this, Harley asks for Ivy’s help selling two “puppies”. Who will try to buy one and will Harley be able to get rid of them?
Relationships: Harleen Quinzel & Damian Wayne, Harleen Quinzel/Damian Wayne, Pamela Isley & Harleen Quinzel, Pamela Isley/Harleen Quinzel, Selina Kyle & Bruce Wayne, Selina Kyle/Bruce Wayne
Comments: 3
Kudos: 58





	Puppies For Sale

**Author's Note:**

> I finished this a while ago but never posted it because if I'm honest, I kind of forgot about it. Woops. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this one shot!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do NOT own any of the characters. All are property of DC Comics.

Harley looked over at the two big hyenas and the two small ones in the cage with big eyes. How was this possible? She knew hyenas were very tricky to know the sex of, but she had been pretty sure both of her pet babies were male. She even called them Bud and Lou, which she thought were pretty nice names for male hyenas. The little hyenas were hanging at the stomach of… was it Bud? She named the girl Bud. That was perfect. Sitting down to figure out what to do, Harley glanced at the baby hyenas. They were so cute with their soft-looking dark fur. She’d rather keep them but the crazy clown figured they’d get taken better care of with someone whose focus wasn’t all on destroying one clown. Taking her phone, Harley called Ivy and waited for her to pick up.

Ivy had already taken her phone as soon as the picture of her face with Harley’s lips on hers had popped up. Picking up after only the second ring, Ivy was happy Harley called her while she was on a mission with Swamp Thing. _“Hey, sweetie. How are things? Ready for me to come back tomorrow?”_ Ivy sounded really excited to get back into the warm embrace of her girlfriend. She had been in a damp swamp all week and could use a hug as much as Harley.

Harley smiled widely as soon as she heard Ivy’s voice. _“Hey, Pam-A-Lamb. I miss you. Can’t wait for you to be back here to hold me.”_ She put the phone on speaker and put it softly onto the table. Laying down on the couch herself, she closed her eyes and listened to Pammy’s voice.

_“Is everything ok there? You sound a little worried.”_

At this moment, Harley knew dating her best friend was the best thing she had ever decided to do. Not only were they at the same wavelength most of the time but the cutest redhead Harley had ever seen always knew exactly how the blonde was feeling. _“I just really miss you and, um, we got some new friends.”_ Harley could feel Ivy’s confusion all the way from her couch and giggled softly. _“Bud’s a girl and she gave birth to two of the cutest little hyenas ever!”_ Harley couldn’t hide it anymore and as soon as she’d told Ivy, she could almost feel her sigh with a smile.

Ivy looked at her phone while smiling and let out a soft sigh. “Wait, Bud’s a girl? I did not see that coming. But Harley, we can’t take care of young hyenas. We’re barely keeping the apartment together with Bud and Lou, two little ones would tear everything apart. We have to sell them.”

 _“I know, Ives. I was thinking the same thing. Just wait until you see them. They’re so cute. Anyway, who would want to buy two baby hyenas?”_ Harley looked over at the little felines and smiled. _“You know what baby hyenas look like, Pammy?”_

 _“No, I don’t think I do. What do they look like, sweetie?”_ Ivy was afraid to hear the answer and was therefore surprised when Harley said baby hyenas look like puppies. _“Puppies? Wait, Harley, don’t tell me you want to try and sell them to someone as puppies. They’ll tear their houses apart!”_ Ivy put her hand on her forehead, hoping Harley hadn’t already gotten the idea. She knew once Harley had decided to do something, nothing could change her mind. It had taken so long for Ivy to convince the crazy girl Joker was not the right person for her. The only thing that hadn’t taken long was getting Harley to be her girlfriend. It had been as if she had been waiting for years to hear the words “Be mine.” come out of the redhead’s mouth.

 _“Come on, Pammy. Who would want a hyena? At least let me try. If I can’t sell them off as puppies, we’ll try your way. Please?”_ Even though Ivy couldn’t see it, Harley put up a bit of a begging face and smiled when she heard her girlfriend sigh. _“Fine, Harley, you can try. One person and if that fails, we’re doing it my way. Ok?”_

 _“Thanks, Red! I knew you couldn’t say no to me. Get here soon, ok? I need your arms around me.”_ Harley smiled at the thought of having Ivy close to her again the next day.

 _“Actually, Harls, I won’t be coming back tomorrow.”_ Ivy stared at her phone waiting for an answer from the love of her life.

 _“What do you mean, you won’t be coming back tomorrow? You said it wouldn’t take longer than five days. Today is the fifth day. You should be back home! Why are they keeping you there?”_ Harley started yelling a bit.

Ivy smiled and hung up. She could hear Harley screaming her name as she put her key in the door and opened it. Seeing Harley’s happily surprised look when the door opened and she finally got to see the jade skin and hazel eyes she had missed so much was enough for Ivy to run to the couch and take Harley in for a big, long-awaited hug. _“I’m here, Harls. I was already on my way here when you called.”_

Wrapping her arms tightly around the redhead’s back was all Harley could do. Not a word left her mouth and as she tightened the hug even more, the corners of her mouth curled up in a big smile that showed her perfectly white teeth. _“Ivy! What are you doing here back so soon? Doesn’t matter. What matters is that you’re here and back in my arms.”_ Barely giving Ivy time to breath after the suffocating hug, Harley pressed her red lips onto Ivy’s green ones and pulled her closer.

Ivy smiled widely as Harley pressed her lips against hers and pulled her closer. She had to pull away after a while to breathe and heard Harley complain softly as she broke the kiss. _“I missed you, Harls. You were all I could think about at that swamp and people noticed.”_ She chuckled and looked deep into the blue eyes that were her girlfriend’s. _“Now show me the baby hyenas.”_

 _“Don’t you mean the puppies?”_ Giggling softly, Harley stood up and took Ivy’s soft hand to pull her to the cage she had put Bud, Lou and the babies in. She looked over at Ivy who was still shaking her head with a big smile on her face and showed her the “puppies”. _“Here they are, Red. What do you think? Can we make people believe they’re little doggies?”_

 _“Well, they sure look like puppies a little bit but you’d have to make sure you got a good explanation for every question.”_ Ivy answered Harley with a smile and a frown at the same time and started thinking. Who would have enough money to buy a dog but wouldn’t mind it later being a hyena? She heard Damian Wayne liked bringing home stray animals and his father, Bruce Wayne, was a billionaire so they sure had enough money. _“What about that rich kid, Damian Wayne?”_

 _“Bruce Wayne sure wouldn’t miss a couple hundred bucks. And isn’t his kid the one always buying new pets? That spoiled little brat might just fall in love with Bud Jr. 1 and 2 and buy them both! I love how smart you are.”_ Harley smiled and looked into Ivy’s hazel green eyes. She softly put her hand on the green woman’s right cheek and got closer with her face. _“I love you, Ives.”_

 _“I love you too, Harley.”_ Ivy wrapped both her arms around Harley’s waist and softly kissed her, smiling as Harley kissed her back and moved her hand from Ivy’s cheek to the other side of her neck. _“Now let’s get these baby hyenas a home, shall we?”_

Harley nodded and started thinking. They couldn’t just show up at Wayne Manor with a pair of “puppies” and offer them for a couple hundred bucks to the spoiled kid. _“How do you think we should get Wayne’s attention? We could walk around in that neighbourhood and see if he notices.”_ She looked at Ivy who had a huge smile on her face and took her phone. _“What are you planning, Red?”_

 _“I’m calling Selina. She’s been hanging out with father Wayne a lot so I’ll just tell her to make sure the kid looks outside when we walk past.”_ Ivy looked at her girlfriend and saw the confused look on her face. _“What?”_

 _“You’re telling me Selina Kyle, Catwoman, the symbol of indepence is dating a rich guy? Wow, the world really is changing. Sure, call her, my thoughtful beauty.”_ She giggled and pressed a quick kiss on Ivy’s cheek before bending down to Bud Jr. and Lou Jr. _“Hey fellas. You’re getting a new home soon. Sound fun? I’ll miss you too.”_

Ivy walked to the kitchen so Selina wouldn’t hear Harley’s crazy talk on the phone and called her. Waiting for Kitty to pick up, she looked over at Harley and smiled, knowing very well how happy they both made each other.

At Wayne Manor, Selina had just woken up and gotten out of bed when her phone rang. She picked up and put the phone to her ear. _“Hey, Ivy. Is something wrong?”_ She yawned, still tired from last night’s night out with Bruce. 

_“No, not at all but Harls and me need a favor. You live at Wayne Manor, right?”_ She heard Selina bring out a little “Mhm” and continued. _“Could you have the kid look outside in about half an hour? We found… puppies and it would be weird to just offer them so it would be best if he found them himself while we walk past the manor.”_

 _“Sure, I’ll try but Damian’s a stubborn little kid. I might have to tell him about the... puppies, was it?”_ Selina thought for a bit. _“I’ll see you in, what, half an hour?”_

_**Half an hour later** _

After agreeing with Selina, Ivy had told Harley about the plan and they had left. Walking past Wayne Manor, they saw Damian Wayne sitting at the window and looking outside with Selina standing behind him. As Ivy waved at Selina and Harley struggled with the puppy transport box, Damian ran outside while opening the gate. _“You two, wait!”_

Ivy looked at Harley and smiled. The plan was working. Damian had already arrived. For a small kid, he was pretty fast. _“Selina told me you have puppies for sale? Is that true or is she lying like I think she is?”_

Harley had to stop herself from laughing. Seeing the little boy speak like that about an adult woman, Catwoman no less, was hilarious. _“Yes, we do. Kitty wasn’t lying. Would you like to see them?”_

“Of course I want to see them. Are you cra-” Damian realized who he was talking to and stopped mid-sentence. Harley noticed it and closed her eyes a little bit. _“Finish that sentence. I dare you.”_

 _“Harley, calm down, sweetie. We all know you’re crazy. And, um…”_ She gets closer and puts her hand around Harley’s ear. She whispers something that made Harley’s hair stand up and her cheeks to turn so red it almost matched Ivy’s hair. _“I’m crazy about you.”_

 _“Aw, Pammy!”_ She put the box with the “puppies” down, gave the youngest Wayne a dirty look and wrapped her arms around Ivy’s neck. _“I love ya so much.”_

 _“Can I take a look now?”_ Damian asked the question but he didn’t care what they said because he had already flipped open the box. He stared at the two baby hyenas and Harley’s heart started racing, scared he’d notice how the two cute creatures in the box were hyenas and not puppies like they had said. 

_“So? What do you think, kid?”_ She looked at Damian as he picked them out of the box and sat down on the driveway with them. _“I think… they’re adorable! What breed are they?”_

This was a question Harley hadn’t thought of so she said the only think she could think of at the moment. “Yes.” 

Ivy looked over at Harley with a pair of confused eyes but saw Damian didn’t care about the answer her girlfriend had just given him. _“How old are they?”_

 _“Just a couple of days old. I only noticed them today but who knows when they were put in our building? Do you like them?”_ Harley started getting hopeful and squeezed Ivy’s hand softly. She watched Damian shake his head and lost hope until the kid looked up with a big smile on his face. _“I love them! How much do you want for them?”_

Ivy smiled at the small Wayne and looked at a thinking Harley. _“How about 400 dollars?”_ She looked at Harley who agreed with the price and then pulled her look away from the hypnotising blue eyes of her girlfriend to look at Damian. 

_“Deal! Give me one minute.”_ He ran inside and came back after only a minute with eight bills of fifty bucks. _“There you go. Do they have names yet or can I name them?”_ Damian looked at the two confused ladies who had just sold them his two new pets. _“Is something wrong?”_

 _“No, we just didn’t really expect you to bring this amount of cash out so fast. We haven’t given them names yet. We thought you might want to name them yourself.”_ Harley smiled at the child and looked him in the eyes as he answered.

 _“That is very considerate of you. I’ll name them Hermes and Xena. Anything else I should know about them? Medical issues? Trauma? Fears?”_ Damian looked at Harley and then at Ivy and switched with every question. When they both shook their heads with a smile, Damian took the newly named Hermes and Xena inside and closed the door, but not before giving Selina the chance to wave at her two friends.

 _“Well, that went surprisingly well. Let’s go home.”_ Ivy took Harley’s hand and smiled. Walking home, all she could think about was how she was happy to be home and how she couldn’t wait to lay down on the couch with Harley in her arms and hold her close. 

_**At Wayne Manor** _

Damian had gone inside with Hermes and Xena and it had only been until after the door had been closed and Harley and Ivy had left that Selina could take a look at the new pets of Wayne Manor. _“Damian, come here for a second, would you?”_

The youngest member of the Batfamily walked to Selina and looked at her. _“Yes, Selina?”_ He held the puppies up and Selina turned on the light, recognizing the starting faces of a hyena in both of them. _“Damn it, Harley.”_ She ran to the door but the two women had already left. As she closed the door again and sighed, her stepson looked up at her. _“What’s wrong? Why did you react like that?”_

Bruce Wayne might’ve been a billionaire but because of his fights with Harley as Batman, he too immediately recognized what Harley and Ivy had sold Damian. _“Damian, did Harley Quinn give you these?”_

He watched as his son nodded. _“I bought them from her. Aren’t they the greatest puppies ever? I’ll train them so well they’ll beat Ace in no time!”_

Bats shook his head and placed one finger of his right hand on each side of his nose bridge. _“I thought I gave you those books on felines. How did you not see that these aren’t puppies but cubs of a hyena?”_

Damian explained to his father that he hadn’t been thinking clearly but asked to keep them. _“Like I said, father, I’ll train them. Now that I know they’re hyenas, I’ll train them to hold back on the violence and not to beat Ace. Just let me keep them. Their names are Hermes and Xena.”_ He looked at his father with the same serious look he always had on his face, just like Bruce. 

After a while of thinking, Bruce finally gave in and let Damian keep the twin hyenas, if he promised to take good care of them and to train them just as he told him to. Wanting to keep both Hermes and Xena, Damian agreed to these terms and took them to his room. Hoping his father wouldn’t find out, the new owners of the babies played a little bit with his new pets before the work had to start and they’d grow to be just like Ace the Bathound.

**Author's Note:**

> Did you like it? Let me know in the comments, leave kuddos if you want to. I hope you liked it and thanks!


End file.
